I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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