yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
