GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
