Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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