im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just pee around me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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