This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
