i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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