question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
