A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
