and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
