i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
