Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
