White coat. Heels.
I cockslap morals
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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