If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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