I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
