4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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