he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
