I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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