Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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