I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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