I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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