I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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