i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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