Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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