if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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