Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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