yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
