Pappa wants mamma naked
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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