youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
