How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize