is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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