got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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