I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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