he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
