Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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