you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
