Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
