I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I believe in your delicious
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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