So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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