She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
