He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I love you.
Bad choice
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
