How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
