Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Who died my cat blue again?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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