So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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