Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
