her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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