I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
