Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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