He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
