wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I wear drunk well.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
