Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
