1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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