so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
