Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize