they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize