i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
