i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
