I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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