just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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