just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
