I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
