I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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