Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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