4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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