K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
