It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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