You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
