No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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