either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
