I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
