i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
