i was born a porn star she said
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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