She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
