I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
