And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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