You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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