My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
