Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize